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I have to spend a quarter of my wages every month to afford therapy...

We’re a 39-year-old DID system from the East of England, we’ve been aware of our DID for 3 years, on and off. I chose not to seek a diagnosis through the NHS because 1. I don’t want it on my medical records, and 2. others I have known have sought therapy through a GP and short-term CBT seems to be all they get offered.

Somehow I've managed to avoid any interventions from the NHS, even though I have displayed signs of mental health issues in front of staff but they never said anything about it, my therapist was shocked that they never questioned me.

We chose to find a private therapist as I had no hope that a GP would understand, and I didn't want to get drugged up by them just because they didn't believe me. Alternatively, they send me to a CBT therapist for 8 weeks which would be pointless.

I knew it was DID and found a therapist who specifically mentioned dissociation in her profile. She is trauma-informed, she’s never treated anyone with DID but is willing to learn. I have to spend a quarter of my wages every month to afford therapy. It used to be a third of my wages, but I got a second job just to pay for it… Working more causes more destabilisation and slows my healing down, so to afford therapy I will probably be in therapy for longer.

I have one office job with an amazing bunch of people and a work part that does it with ease. Even when I had a breakdown about 3 years ago (how I first discovered our DID), my parts kinda managed it and colleagues were patient with my rubbishness at that time. My 2nd job is as a manager of events at a venue. Late nights, crowds of drunk people, and heavy lifting. When I work a lot I get exhausted even working 4 days. My depersonalisation gets worse, my brain turns to soup, and I am running in absolute survival mode. It means on my days off I can barely function, my mental health takes a nosedive and it's just no way to live your life.


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